The Rules for Visiting a Newborn, According to a Mom & Doula

It’s beyond exciting when someone gives birth -- not just for Mom or Dad but also for everyone who loves them. However, as loved ones get caught up in the joy, it's easy for them to forget that this is also an incredibly difficult time for new parents. As a mother, grandma, and doula, Tina Madelina of Madelina Birth and Baby completely understands how stressful it can be for new parents to try regulating the outpouring of well-meaning visitors. That's why she came up with a list of lighthearted rules, written from the perspective of a newborn, to be shared with loved ones to ultimately help Mom out. These "rules" are from 2015, but they hold especially true today.

"Hi. I am a newborn so naturally everyone in my family is a pro when it comes to handling me," her viral post starts out.-placeholder

Madelina birth & baby/Facebook

"Hi. I am a newborn so naturally everyone in my family is a pro when it comes to handling me," her viral post starts out.

"However, when it comes to visitors, my parents are constantly having to have to play the 'bad guys.'"

To help Mom and Dad out, this new bundle of joy lists cardinal rules everyone should know before stopping by for a visit:

1. No Kissing.

"Do not kiss me, anywhere, at any time, no matter how delicious I look," she wrote. "In fact, do not put your face anywhere near my face or my hands and make sure you wash your hands before touching me anywhere."

2. No Touching -- and That Includes Your Kids.

"If my parents hand me to you in a baby carrier, use it. Do not take me out of the carrier under any circumstance," she wrote. "My friends and I tend to be sensitive to your clothes, detergent, excessive perfumes/colognes, so just keep me in my carrier and I'll play nice."

That also means if you have an enthusiastic little friend for baby to meet, hold off on those adorable photos of them snuggling together. "I'm sure your children in particular are the healthiest children in the world, but, let me put it this way — it's not you, it's me," she wrote. "I am born a germaphobe and it may take me a couple of months to adjust to this yucky world. And don't ask mommy and daddy if you can bring your kids anyway — they really don't enjoy saying no."

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3. Don't Monopolize the Baby.

Just because you're thrilled to spend time with the little one and enjoy some baby love doesn't mean you get to decide how long you hold the child. "If I start crying when I'm with you, please give me back to mommy," she wrote. "I get you want to soothe me and be a superhero for doing it but I really just want my mommy and daddy."

Plus, whether a mom is breastfeeding or just wants to stick to her own diaper-changing routine, this is her baby and she shouldn't have to worry about hurting your feelings while trying to care for her newborn.

4. Know What You Signed Up For.

If you stop by during the newborn stage), come with the full understanding of what a newborn visit will entail. "I get hungry, sleepy, poopy, and fussy around the clock. If you want to visit me, plan to come for less than an hour so mommy and daddy can get back to giving me their undivided attention instead of hosting you!" she wrote. "Also, don't plan on eating here (my mom barely eats, she doesn't have time to feed you) or staying over unless you want to listen to my high pitched audition for the best opera singer in town — practice time is always in the middle of the night!"

This also means that if you ask to hold the baby, don't be surprised by what could come out of his or her mouth. "It's just spit up, relax yourself. Listen, you wanted to hold me, burp me, swaddle me, soothe me (see above), so now deal with it," she wrote. "Like I said, this is what I do — AROUND THE CLOCK!"

5. Lower Your Expectations.

Listen up everybody, this is the time to give Mom a break — especially when it comes to your feelings. "Please don't expect my mommy to call you, text or post a million photos on FB," she wrote. "She's taking good care of me and would rather stare at my sweet face than her phone."

6. Keep Your Parenting Style Out of It.

There's nothing greater than insightful advice from an experienced parent, but with one slight caveat: ONLY WHEN IT'S ASKED FOR.

"We all give our children all that we have, heart and soul … including OUR preferred parent style. Your baby … your rules," she added. "Have courage … enjoy and love your babies your way. You're a good mom!"

Many love these rules and are tagging their partners and loved ones as fair warning.

"Nicely put. People should not be offended. Parents are just trying to keep their little one safe," one user commented.

"ALL OF THIS!!!!" another added.

But there are still some who hate it and think these rules are going too over-the-top.

"There's nothing more beautiful than a new baby in the family but hand the child around, let it be kissed and hugged and feel the love and attention of others," another user wrote. "Also it's good for parents to let someone else hold/ feed/ change baby/ soothe baby whilst they chat to friends/ rest/ spend time together. And for a baby to recognize sounds of other voices, even children's sounds, and them adoring a little one is lovely."

No matter what the rules, just remember: Whatever Mom says goes.

A variety of users chimed in with things that they are adding to their list, including that they're waiting a certain amount of time before allowing visitors or are insisting everyone get specific shots (and these days, that they test for Covid). But no matter what rules are spelled out, they are Mom's wishes and need to be respected.

newborn care