Boyfriend Wants Pregnant Girlfriend To Sell Her Place Because She Bought It With 'Dirty Money'
Saving up enough money to buy a place for yourself is no easy feat. But a woman on the Am I the A--hole subreddit managed to do it by living extremely modestly while earning a living as a stripper -- something she wrote she has "no shame" over. But her new boyfriend, with whom she's expecting a child, is gaslighting her into feeling that she needs to sell her place to buy another with him because her current apartment was bought with "stripper money."
The original poster (OP) shared that her place is a three-bedroom flat, which she bought outright.
"I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent," she wrote. "I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf)."
They found out she was expecting last month and began discussing moving in together.
"I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month," the OP wrote.
"However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes, and he didn't want to live in my flat. I asked him why not?"
After all, her flat is "central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant), and a school five-minute walk away."
The reason: "He said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with 'stripper money.'"
"That really p---ed me off, and I told him no f---ing way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my 'stripper money' paying for this flat before now," noted the OP. "I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of."
The OP's boyfriend then said that if she was to sell the flat and use the profits toward a new place, then it wouldn't be stripper money anymore. And when he couldn't get any further with his mind-bending logic, he declared, "I can't talk to you when you're in this state," going back to his place and texting her that she was "overreacting/irrational."
"He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it 'would never feel like our place' because of this," shared the OP.
"I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so two out of three people think I'm in the wrong here."
She turned it over to her fellow Redditors for their opinions, and most sided with the OP.
"This is classic gaslighting behavior. He also wants to co-own with you at only 18 months into the relationship? H-----l no," wrote one top commenter.
Another wrote, "His statement of 'think about this realistically rather than emotionally' is what p---ed me off. I mean, he's the one thinking of this emotionally -- his fee fee's are hurt because she bought the flat from money she earned stripping. Period. Realistically, the apartment is spacious, in a great location and is perfect for starting a new family. She is the one thinking realistically in this scenario, not him. This is a hill to die on."
"I actually think it has nothing to do with her stripping and everything to do with his insecurities in providing for a family," a third person noted. "He is blaming it on it being stripper money, he might not even realize the real reason he's upset."
Still another asked the OP: "Are you sure you want to live with, have a baby with, or pursue a relationship with someone who is already slut shaming you?"
Thanks to the thread, it sounds like the OP is beginning to see the situation more clearly.
Replying to a commenter, she noted, "I think he's been freaking out a little ever since we found out [that I'm pregnant]. Fortunately, I'm at a place in my life/career where I can be a single mum if I have to, and I won't make him stick around if he doesn't want to. Hopefully this is genuinely just about the flat and nothing deeper, because while I could do this alone, I don't particularly want to."
Here's hoping she finds the path forward that's best for her and her baby.
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