'I Don't Want to Do It:' TikToker Says '90s Moms Totally Screwed Over Millennial Moms
Women of the 1990s prided themselves on being fierce, power-suit wearing, independent women who embarked on new territory, balancing more leadership roles at work while also maintaining romantic relationships and even raising children. Even though these women were doing more outside of the home than their mothers and grandmothers, for many, the division of labor inside the home didn’t change all that much.
One modern day woman on TikTok is saying those standards have made it more challenging for millennial moms.
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Kat Bernard warned that her statement might come off as negative.
A woman who goes by @katbernard on TikTok shared her perspective on the unrealistic expectations '90s mothers set for both their sons and daughters. As Kat prepares a snack, she looks into the camera and asks, “This is going to come off so bad, but does anyone feel screwed over by their mom a little bit?”
Then she explains further saying, “I feel like we grew up in the generation where our moms worked plus did primary caretaking and like all the things.”
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Kat says she's just not willing to try to do it all.
“They were literally everything,” Kat continued. “They did it. And I don’t know how they did it but I don’t want to do it.” Then she talked about how watching these working women and mothers also affected the boys who turned into men, who turned into husbands.
“I feel like our husbands clears throat dramatically may have a little bit of that expectation too,” she says. Kat believes it’s contributed to a lot of the problems with our current relationship dynamics.
Kat thinks the expectations cause problems in relationships.
“I think that’s why people are getting divorced more or waiting longer to find a mate,” Kat said. “Because we don’t want to put up with that. Yes, we want to be parents, yes we want a career. But we are not going to be 100% of both while you only do 50% of one.”
She smiled sardonically before ending the video. Her point was made and met with resounding relatability from the comments section.
Sadly, many people could relate.
"This!!!" one user commented. "My mom worked full time and some how we ate home cooked meals 7 days a week. Like pls. How?!?!"
Another person shared a similar sentiment: “Watching my mom work all day and then come home and take care of everything while my dad couldn’t even throw his trash in the garbage.” Kat responded, “Ouch. They get such a pass. We have to help them break this cycle.”
Thankfully, Kat had some recommendations.
It’s tough work. But Kat did share a potential tool in the caption of her video. It’s a documentary she said helped to quell her building relationship resentment. “Something that’s helped us sooo much combat this and avoid building resentment (or fixing it) is watching FairPlay. (I think it’s on Hulu.)" She also recommended regular marriage meetings. Kat said those meeting help to change the expectations into something more team-based.
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