Teen Reeling After Dad Admitted to Having a Second Family and He Wants Her To Meet Them
It’s hard when we grow up and start to see the world with an adult understanding of things. As we age, we start to think about our parents as people and not just … our parents. For some, they’re able to build a deep and beautiful relationship with their parents when they’re adults. Others have the opposite reaction and start to see some memories as a child in a different light. That can be really hard.
Our relationship with our parents shifts when we become adults, and we start to have a lot more understanding and say. And that’s what is at the center of an issue one young woman is having with her dad. Some details that led to her parent’s divorce are coming to light, and the now-adult child is not happy. In hopes of working through what happened, the adult woman (OP) took to Reddit to get some advice after running into a conflict with her dad.
Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP gave some quick details on what’s going on with her family.
“My (19F) dad (50M) has been having a long term affair with a woman for over a decade,” she wrote. “Their relationship began while he was married to my mom and he stayed with her even while he dated and was engaged to a different woman after my parents’ divorce.”
OP said she’s not sure if her dad’s “latest ex ever knew about her but I’m not sure.”
This other woman in her dad’s life has a child.
“She has a kid although it isn’t his, which I do believe,” OP explained. “I knew about his affair long ago and after a big fight basically said I never want to hear about her again or have anything to do with it and then I’d be fine.”
Things went like this in her family for a while.
“He would go on ‘work trips’ and all but I never asked questions and he never shared and I was honestly fine being in the dark about it,” she admitted. “I never approved, and he knew this, but I let him live his life so long as I was never brought into it.”
All seemed like it just was whatever it was – until recently.
“He tells me today he has invited them out to visit,” she shared, speaking of her dad’s girlfriend and her son. OP said she still lives at home, so her dad was just giving her a heads up that company was coming.
Her dad said he “would love for me to be polite while they’re here,” she shared, but that wasn’t going to happen.
“I told him absolutely not, that I would go to a friend’s house for the duration of their visit but I would not be seeing them at all. That woman caused a lot of trauma during my childhood and aided in my parents’ divorce and I don’t condone women who knowingly are the other woman,” she admitted.
“I never want to see her and I made that clear. I said he can live his life as he wants but I will not be dragged into that.”
OP's dad wasn’t happy about her response at all.
“He was pissed,” she explained, “went off on me saying it’s his life and I’m the child here so his [s]ay is what goes.”
Not exactly a super strong argument, but it didn’t end there with her dad. “He ended by saying to lose his number,” OP wrote. “And honestly that would be fine with me if he would throw away his actual child for this other family, I want nothing to do with that.”
OP turned it over to Reddit wanting to know if she’s in the wrong for giving him a hard no to meeting his second family.
“You do not have to let this man have his cake and eat it, too,” one person commented. “It's about time there's consequences for his selfish choices.”
“At 19 you are not the child anymore so he can f--- right off with that,” another person wrote. “If you are staying somewhere else for the duration, expect shenanigans with your room/stuff. Might want to pack some of that stuff up.”
“You are not forced to have a relationship with this stranger who has caused so much hurt during your life,” pointed out someone else. “This woman and your dad both sound like incredibly selfish people, and your dad throwing out the child line when you are 19.”
“He made his choices clear a long time ago and you weren't a part of them,” wrote another person. “You're 19 now and I applaud you for your choices to not be involved with that self-centered, selfish oaf. Stick to your guns and don't look back.”
It’s hard when our parents disappoint us, and it can be confusing as adults. But hopefully OP is able to prioritize her feelings and have someone to vent about it with.
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