How Motherhood Made One Parent's Social Anxiety Skyrocket
Our monthly column MOM WITH aims to redefine what it means to be a "normal" mother by focusing on how it feels to live with a mental disorder. We see you, we hear you, and we're in this together.
Sofia Perez, who owns CharacterCounter, has two daughters, ages 4 and 6. Sofia struggles with social anxiety, which she has experienced her whole life, although she says it has become more of a struggle the older she has gotten and especially since becoming a mother.
“Suddenly, I was thrust into a world of constant social interaction, and I just couldn't cope,” Sofia tells CafeMom of life after becoming a mom. “I became extremely withdrawn and found it hard to even leave the house. Since becoming a parent, my social anxiety has definitely increased. I worry about what other parents will think of me and whether my children are behaving properly in social situations.”
As any mother can relate, Sofia finds it difficult to ask for help from others, as she doesn’t want to seem like she can't handle being a parent.
Many mothers find it difficult to ask for help, fearing it will be seen as a sign of weakness. Asking for help during motherhood is nothing to be ashamed of, however, and the more we ask for help from those who are willing to offer it, the better we will feel as mothers.
Sofia finds that seeing a therapist, which she has been doing for more than two years, has helped her tremendously. She has discovered that talking at therapy is beneficial, and she has come to better understand her anxiety and is better equipped to deal with it.
'As a mother, I am constantly interacting with other people,' Sofia says.
“Whether I'm dropping my kids off at school, going to the grocery store, or attending my daughter's soccer game, there are always opportunities for social interaction," she adds. "However, social anxiety can make even the simplest interactions feel incredibly daunting. I worry about saying the wrong thing or coming across as awkward or uninterested.”
Social anxiety disorder, which is often referred to as social phobia, is defined as a long-term fear of social interactions. It’s important to note that it is different than just suffering anxiety because this deals specifically with suffering from anxiety related to social situations. Roughly 13% of the population suffers from social anxiety disorder, with women suffering at a rate of 15.5% and men having a rate of 11.1%.
As a result, Sofia often avoids social situations altogether.
She says this can be isolating and frustrating, both for her and her children. “It can be difficult to explain to them why I don't want to go to the park or have playdates with their friends. Social anxiety can be a real challenge, but I'm working on finding ways to manage it so that it doesn't continue to hold me back,” she tells us.
On an average day, Sofia might find herself feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks such as grocery shopping or picking up her kids from school. She may stay home, where she feels safe and comfortable. But on a good day, she has the courage to step outside her comfort zone and attend a playdate or a birthday party.
On a bad day, however, her social anxiety can feel insurmountable and she may have a panic attack in the middle of the grocery store or spend the entire day in her bedroom.
As a Mexican mother with social anxiety, Sofia also often feels nervous and out of place in her own culture.
Latino culture is very family-oriented, and she sometimes feels like she’s not fulfilling her role as a daughter or a mother because she is not as outgoing as other people in her family.
“Social anxiety can be tough to deal with on its own, but it can be especially challenging for a Mexican mother,” explains Sofia. “In Latino culture, family gatherings are often large and boisterous affairs, with lots of food, drink, and dancing. For someone like myself who struggles with social anxiety, these types of events can be overwhelming. It can be difficult to relax and enjoy myself when I'm constantly worrying about what other people are thinking of me."
Thankfully, Sofia is finding ways to manage social anxiety and to still enjoy spending time with loved ones.
For example, she will step aside for a few minutes to get a break from noise and activity.
For mothers who struggle with social anxiety, many options exist to help. Some of these tips include planning ahead of social interactions so they feel better prepared, practicing deep breathing, and taking the focus off of themselves and seeing what’s happening around them as opposed to what might be going on in their head.
Sofia has found that remote work has helped her manage social anxiety as a mother. “My husband and I are online business owners and entrepreneurs. We co-founded the website CharacterCounter.com and we work from home," she says. "This allows me to set my own hours and work around my family's schedule.
"I don't have to worry about putting on a brave face for co-workers or clients, and I can take breaks when I need to," she adds. "Remote work has given me the flexibility and freedom I need to manage my social anxiety and empower me as a mother.”
Yes, Sofia says things can be difficult, but she is doing the best she can.
And that is all any mother can do.
"I am present with [my kids] in the moments we share, and they bring me so much joy,” Sofia shares.
We are all struggling in our own ways, but we are all fighting for our children and for a better life for them. So please don't judge mothers who struggle with social anxiety. They are just like you except their battle, Sofia explains, is invisible.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
| FAMILY & PARENTING