How To Manage Stress While Grieving or Estranged From Family During the Holidays

For people who are struggling with grief over the holidays, the best way to handle this season is to stay busy. “This may include celebrating the holidays with friends and family,” says Philips. “It is important to surround yourself with your support system. People may also want to keep the memories alive of their loved ones by sharing stories of them and also celebrating their loved one’s favorite holiday traditions.”

On a personal note, it’s during the Christmas season that I think of my beloved late grandmother the most. I find it helps by cooking some of her Christmas recipes and putting up some of her decorations — it’s a way of making sure she is always with me.

Philips says it can be important to remember loved ones and practice family traditions from the past. People may choose to be around friends and family because they need support during this time of year, especially if it is the first year without the person who has passed. Some people may also prefer to be alone during the holiday to reflect on the memories of their loved ones and that’s OK, too. Philips notes therapy can be a great form of support during the holidays!

With many “temptations” during the holiday season, Philips says it’s important to have a recovery plan in place during the holidays to prevent relapse. This may include attending community support meetings daily, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and completing Twelve Step work with your sponsor.

People tend to be at high risk of relapse during the holiday season because of loss and because of burned bridges with family and friends. That’s why it is essential to have a plan in place.

“However, these meetings may not be for everyone,” explains Philips. “Therefore, it is important to tap into coping skills such as distractions, working, being with sober friends, working with your sponsor, exercise, volunteering, individual therapy, or attending a relapse prevention group. The goal is to stay very busy. Volunteering and working are both great ways to stay busy to prevent relapse.”

During the holiday season, it’s common to feel sad or extra stress from not having a picture-perfect relationship with family members. But there are ways to get through this.

Be sure to spend time with friends. “The goal is here to be around friends who may be your chosen family. This is common for many LGBTQ individuals who are estranged from their family," says Philips. "Many people host Friendsgiving and gift exchange parties during this time of year which is a great way to enjoy the holidays with friends."

If you are married or in a relationship, adds Philips, you may spend the holidays with your partner or spouse’s family. People may have to set boundaries with family they prefer not to be around.

Philips also suggests practicing mindfulness. “When you’re around family you're not particularly fond of, I recommend practicing mindfulness and other relaxation skill building techniques, such as breathing, meditation, yoga, processing with your therapist, and exercising before seeing difficult family members. Also, set boundaries with them. Talk about what you want to talk about especially if there have been difficult conversations in the past. You may want to stay at a hotel when you visit. If they get upset, they will need to get over it.

"Of course, some people may prefer to work and stay busy because this acts as a distraction, so they do not have to think about family. The important thing to remember is that the holidays can have a different effect on all people — positive and negative. With some of these coping tips, there are ways to make the most of the holiday season, even under difficult circumstances."