My Husband Is Closer to My Mom Than I Am & He Won't Respect Boundaries I Want To Establish

Posting to Reddit’s AITA community, OP shared some background information before jumping into the issue at hand.

“For starters, my husband has parent issues. He was abandoned by his biological parents and put into foster care as a toddler,” OP explained. “He never had a stable home as he was bounced around different families until he turned 14, then spent 4 years in a group home.”

OP added that when she met her husband, her family was very accepting of him and that meant a lot to him. “When we met, my family took to him very fast, he and my mother (54f) specifically developed a close relationship,” she wrote.

“For Mother’s Day last year, he gave my mom a card and wrote a message thanking her for treating him like a son, he said she was the mom he had always dreamt about having,” OP shared with Reddit. “It was sweet, I never minded him treating her as if she was his mother.”

But her mom took their relationship and kind of ran with it. “My mom is very extra. She wants to be involved in our lives a bit too much which my husband only supports,” OP explained.

“She loves coming over to cook for us or inviting us over to her house for dinner. When our child was born, her wanting to be around intensely increased. I appreciated her help, but her being at our house almost 24/7 really got on my nerves as I felt she was invading our privacy.”

“I established boundaries with her and basically told her she can only come over when [I] invite her,” OP wrote. “I didn’t invite her over for a few weeks which upset her. I also declined the numerous invites to her house.”

Then her mom was in an accident that also complicated things.

“Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, she was involved in a serious automobile accident which shattered her leg,” OP wrote. “She needed constant care while she recovered which none of my sisters could provide due to their jobs.”

OP is a stay-at-home mom, so she is seen as the default to care for her mom. “I declined and received much scrutiny from both my family and husband. She had no other choice but to be transferred to a rehabilitative facility,” she wrote.

“Everything was fine until reports circulated about the facility two weeks ago which resulted in two caregivers and the director being arrested,” OP shared.

“My husband completely freaked out,” she wrote, adding that her husband was adamant about getting her mom out of that facility.

“However, the incident that occurred didn’t involve my mother’s side,” OP wrote. “It was the memory care unit, my mom had been treated just fine. My husband got my sisters involved which of course supported him.”

“I was very adamant that she cannot come to our house,” OP explained. “The next thing I know, our guest bedroom and bath had been cleaned up. I again told my husband, I am not going to allow this.”

Her husband didn’t listen. “Low and behold, he arrives home with my mother. I was absolutely p---ed. He said it would be fine as my sisters made a schedule to come over and care for her between their work schedules,” OP explained.

She then shared with Reddit that she, again, told her husband this is not happening. “I told my husband he married me, not me and my mom. I told him to [stop] bending over backwards for her and trying to please her,” she wrote.

“I expressed how I felt, that he is trying compete with me and my mom right now is gloating in that. All he could say is, ‘This is YOUR mother and you have obviously showed her you do not care,’” OP added.

“My sisters are livid with me and have said I’m a s----y daughter and could learn from my husband how to treat a parent. I feel like my boundaries have been completely violated.”

Redditors were ready to give their opinion on the situation OP presented. The consensus seems to be that OP isn’t wrong — but her husband is.

“WTF with your husband,” one person wrote. “It's one thing for him to talk to her and send her cards or whatever, but moving her into YOUR HOUSE against your express wishes is bananas. What is wrong with these Y T A commenters? You are absolutely right to feel like your boundaries have been completely violated.”

“Sit him down and tell him as nicely as possible that his parents were absent; your mom was the opposite and maybe he doesn't understand his intrusive she is because he was never placed in that position,” another person suggested. “Tell him you will not have your privacy invaded and if she's not out in 7 days you'll be taking baby and going to a friend's house.”

“You have a right to be comfortable in your own house without your mother or anyone else there. It’s crazy to me that your sisters won’t take her, but you’re expected to,” shared someone else. “If your husband is so adamant that he cares for her, he can do it at her house, as can your sisters. Being a SAHM doesn’t mean you sit at home doing nothing all day, it’s like having a full time job yet your husband and family want to add another full time job without your consent.”

“I would go to a hotel and leave him with your mother. I have been a caretaker for someone and it is a lot,” wrote another commenter. “Your husband is crossing big boundaries with your mother and your relationship- I would tell him if he doesn’t stop supporting her and not listening to you i would leave. Maybe it will wake him up.

"It is easy for your sisters to judge because they are at work and not getting all the criticism — you are getting it from all sides sisters, mother and husband," the person continued. "Truly I would pack up my child and go to a hotel and tell him he picked your mother and not his wife and family and be out the door. (at least for a long weekend).”