I'm Calling It: Moms Deserve More 'Me-Time' Than a Shower
When I was about eight months pregnant I remember texting one of my best friends, who was a seasoned mom, in an inexplicable panic.
"Am I really never going to shower again once I have this baby?"
I'm not a huge fan of showering, it always felt like a chore, but it is one I perform every day because well, I just personally feel gross if I don't. I'd heard a lot of unsolicited advice already throughout my pregnancy, but perhaps one of the most pervasive warnings that stuck were the countless threads of moms complaining they don't even have time to shower and that I should prepare myself for the same.
She sent a few "LOLs" my way and then assured me that this wasn't totally true.
"The showers may be a rush job, but you can always put the baby somewhere safe and do it."
Two years into motherhood and I found myself standing in the shower over Christmas break, soaking up every last droplet of hot water.
Since my husband and I were off for the week, I was able to actually take a shower that wasn't a total rush job, one where I actually washed my hair and took time to apply lotion after, but was still out in roughly 30 minutes. I emerged from the shower a new woman to a toddler happily eating his pre-nap lunch. I realized I now had his nap-time to do literally whatever I wanted. Which honestly was the most liberated I'd felt in a long time.
"That was the best shower I've had in two years," I told my husband, making my voice extra full of gratitude.
However, he grimaced.
"That's … sad," he admitted.
And honestly? That's right. It is sad.
The truth is, showering isn't a luxury, it's kind of a necessity. But since becoming a mom, I treat it like the former.
It's a task I have to complete, one that is necessary for my physical and mental health. As a working mom (especially now working from home with a 24/7 home toddler) I use nap times or bedtimes to get my personal grooming done. It's not anything that special. It's soap, water, and lotion. Not a deep tub soak with a book or extra time with face masks. It's just a shower, and yet I feel horribly guilty if I take one while my kid is awake and active. It sort of feels like I'm doing something naughty by prioritizing myself for 30 minutes out of 1,440 a day.
And truthfully, I'm tired of counting as something "special."
Whenever moms express that we are stressed, overwhelmed, or need some time to ourselves people's answer always seems to be "make time for self-care."
On the list of what that could mean, typically, taking a shower is one of the top suggestions right along with eating or napping. And while time to do those things is really in short supply, honestly, we deserve better "me-time" than regular everyday functional things. In all my days, I've never heard a man being advised to use his "me-time" to shower, why is that the standard for moms?
I'm not saying to not find and take joy in the little things like showers. If anything, it is imperative to do that these days. But at the same time, we shouldn't have to settle.
We don't have to optimize our time away from our children every single day, especially if we have the support of a spouse. As an anxious person who does not do well in clutter and disarray, nap and bedtimes are always filled to the brim with "gotta get this done" activities. I feel like I have to make the most of "down time" with normal, everyday tasks. It's a pressure my husband doesn't necessarily feel, and frankly, neither should I.
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