Mom Says It's Daughter's 'Duty' to Now Pay for Her Expenses Since She 'Did It' for Her

A child, who we're guessing is an adult now, took to Reddit to get some advice related to this.

Posting in Reddit's AITA community, the anonymous person sought help on an argument she was having with her mom.

The idea of the argument centered around a belief she holds on what adult children are supposed to do for their parents as they age.

"I had a conversation with my mom," she wrote in the start of her post, and she seemed extremely angry.

"My mom told me that children should take up all the responsibility of their parents when they start earning," she explained.

What does that mean?

Well, she explained her mom told her that she expects her children to take care of all her expenses and needs when they're old enough to make money. This was likely a cultural expectation she has, but her daughter didn't see it the same way.

She explained, "even if the parents are already well off," that expectation still stands. That means, even if the parents are able to continue paying for their needs and expenses, the expectation she has is that the financial responsibilities fall onto the kid when they're adults.

"And if they don't do that they are ungrateful [because] parents spend money raising them," she explained.

Which didn't sit well with her.

"I told her....i Don't think parents should have children so can be their 'retirement plans,'" she wrote. "If a child wants to do something nice for parents that's great but they shouldn’t force them or guilt trap them if parents do not have any financial problems."

"She just call me ungrateful, spoiled and that she wasted all the money raising me," the original poster shared. "I'm just saying all this coz I'm selfish and Don't wanna pay(for food, clothes, medicine etc) her back."

"It's a norm," she explained, adding that she's from Bangladesh. But said the norm to care for their parents is "more for sons." She explained that she's a med student and because "my parents support me into getting a degree and being independent they think i should give them my payment [because] they [gave] me the chances and opportunities mostly given to sons."

Adding, "Now a days all the girls are education but it wasn’t the case not too long ago. My own grandparents were against my mother getting degrees and a job."

One person replied to say that they weren't in the wrong here. "She makes it sound as if people are automatically born in eternal servitude to their parents," the commenter wrote. "THEY decided to have a kid. THEY decided to spend money on you. Why should you pay for something outside of your control?"

Another assured that she's not in the wrong, adding: "though for some cultures this is more important than others, but from my own worldview I was raised to do whatever I want with my life. I plan to take care of my mom when she gets old not because I am required to but because she has been the perfect mother and deserves it."

"I know in some cultures this is very common," someone else commented. "But it should be from the generosity of the child's heart, not a burden placed on them to take care of 2 households for the rest of their parents' lives."

"Parents chose to have children and raising them is their responsibility," wrote another. "However, if when the children are adults they are generous then it would be nice to help then in retirement, but only if needed and without putting themselves in debt."

There is a big cultural difference in this situation, and as one commenter pointed out, also a generational divide in expectations. We hope the family can figure it out and find a way forward.