How Motherhood Gave Purpose to a Woman Struggling With Persistent Depression

“My struggles originally began though as a young girl in elementary school due to a stressful home life and bullying in school," she tells us. "Over the years as things at both home and school got worse, my mental health continued to decline as well. When I was in middle school I started therapy for the first time. By high school I was on medications for both depression and anxiety. During these years I had experienced divorced parents, homelessness, bullying, sexual assault, and rape.”

“As a therapist, I've seen firsthand how tough it can be for moms to take care of kids with mental health struggles while also dealing with their own mental health challenges,” says Carrie Nicholes, therapist and owner of Cedar Counseling & Wellness. “Watching a child go through a tough time can be emotionally exhausting, and taking care of them 24/7 can leave moms feeling burnt out and fatigued. On top of that, mothers may also have their own mental health issues like anxiety or depression, which can get worse under stress.

"It's not uncommon for moms to put their own needs last when caring for their children," Nicholes adds. "They can get so caught up in taking care of their kids that they forget to take care of themselves. This can be a dangerous cycle that can lead to burnout, stress, and even physical health problems.”

Having struggled with side effects for meditations, she has spent years switching and trying new added medications to deal with side effects.

“Five years ago, I was working full time and attending college while also trying to manage being a mother of three children ages 4 and under. This was when my mental health was at its worst. I started having daily panic attacks. I couldn't function," she says.

"I was starting to not perform well at work, school, or as a mother, and finally realized that I had too much on my plate. I ended up making the decision to stay home with the kids instead of working. It was only a short time after I quit my job that my first child was diagnosed with autism and I was thrown into the world of special needs parenting.”

She credits having kids as giving her a reason to fight and a reason to get up every morning and give them her all, even on days when she isn’t quite feeling herself. She says that being a mother has given her a purpose in life.

“But the other side of that is the hard days, and I would be lying if I said it isn't hard managing my own mental health struggles while raising special needs children. When I'm in the middle of the meltdowns or advocating for my kids or fighting for services they need, those things definitely take a toll on my mental health," she tells us. "Being a special needs mom means I can never really shut down or rest. I am always on high alert for my kids’ safety. For meeting their needs. And having three children with needs is tricky because they tend to trigger each other.”

Nicholes also says it's important for moms to remember that taking care of themselves is not a luxury but a necessity. She recommends these moms prioritize getting enough sleep, eating well, and doing things they enjoy. Only by taking care of themselves can they be the best caregivers for their children.

She also highly encourages these moms to reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals for support and advice. As cliché as it may be, it really does take a village!

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There are days when the noise and the constant touching are all just too much. Moriah says that on extra-difficult days, her husband is great about stepping in and just letting her do whatever she need to do for herself, whether it's resting in bed, taking a bath, or getting out of the house for a little bit.

“The bad days are the ones where I have a hard time getting myself out of bed. I wake up groggy and drag myself to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. After that I focus on getting the kids breakfast and taking care of our many pets," she says.

"On these days I don't get much of anything else done. The messes pile up. The kids have a lot of screen time. And I just focus on survival," she shares. "We often do movie days when I'm struggling. The kids and I will make popcorn, lay on the couch and watch our favorite movies and shows. We also usually end up doing things like frozen pizzas and ice cream to go along with our movie days.”

On the good days she wakes up and feels productive. Chores get finished, the house gets cleaned, the school work gets completed, she exercises, and she will spend some time outside with her kids. They will cook and bake and enjoy a full and productive day as a family.

“I have had conversations with my kids about my struggles," she explains. "They have seen me have panic attacks. They often see me picking at my skin, my nails, my lips, and scratching at my scalp. They have seen me cry on the days my depression is really bad. My philosophy with them is just to be honest. That even mom has some big feelings and can struggle sometimes.

"I don't ever want to put my burdens onto them, but I don't want to hide from them either. So, I just tell them the truth," she explains. "When I'm struggling with anxiety and really on edge, I will tell them that mom just needs a minute because I'm feeling overwhelmed. When I'm feeling down and they pick up on it, I tell them the truth, that I'm just having a rough day, instead of lying and saying, 'I'm fine.'

"I want them to see that emotions are normal," she adds. "I want them to never feel like they can't be honest with me. I want them to come to me with anything. And that starts with me being real and honest with them.”

Everyone expects others, especially moms — who already have such a full plate — to hide it all and essentially put on a show. But that’s not helpful for anyone.

“A lot of people don't understand mental health disorders and they especially don't understand how someone can struggle and still be a good parent at the same time," Moriah says. "And even though depression and anxiety lie and try to make me doubt myself and my parenting abilities, I know deep down that my struggles don't make me less of a mother. If anything, I feel like it makes me a better mother.

"It makes me more understanding of my kids struggles. It gives me more empathy," she explains. "It gives me a drive to be the best version of myself for my kids every day. It makes me humble and honest and real.

"There may be struggles. There may be hard days. But I love my kids more than anything," she tells us. "I'll never give up. I'll never stop fighting to be the best mom I can possibly be.”