Mom With: What It's Really Like Raising 2 Kids While Battling Anxiety, ADHD, & Bipolar 1
Our monthly column MOM WITH aims to redefine what it means to be a "normal" mother by focusing on how it feels to live with a mental disorder. We see you, we hear you, and we're in this together.
Nakia “Dawn” Whittaker-Woody, is an administrative professional and CEO of KISS Virtual Services. She is also a loving mom to two daughters, ages 21 and 27. Nakia suffers from anxiety, ADHD, and has a diagnosis of Bipolar 1. She was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age 30 and ADHD in 2015.
Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, concentration, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. For a working mom, having bipolar disorder can bring about many challenges that, to the average mom, are likely too hard to fathom.
“Bipolar disorder involves significant mood instability,” explains psychologist Dr. Emily Guarnotta. “A person with this condition will vacillate between periods of mania or intense euphoria or irritability and depression. These significant mood shifts can interfere with a woman's ability to care for her children. A woman with bipolar disorder may have difficulty being present with her children, caring for their needs, and communicating effectively.”
As Nakia looks back, she can see she always had these symptoms.
“I have always been introverted. Although I had a typical nuclear family with a sister, I remember just staying in my room all the time," explains Nakia. "I have always been a creative, wanting to be an interior decorator as a child, always drawing or redecorating my room. I experienced mild postpartum depression with my first daughter and started having suicidal ideation with my second daughter, which is when I finally sought answers.”
Nakia says life can be more difficult as a parent with these mental health struggles, but also feels that this is just life because she had no point of reference to attribute the issues and thought this was just her way coping.
“As a parent with children who have diagnoses [of Bipolar 1 and anxiety], I became more vocal and public," says Nakia. "I had to model how my children should manage and advocate for themselves. I was the first in my family to admit and vocalize a mental health issue. Since a majority have admitted having similar issues, it’s no longer taboo.”
Nakia’s decision to speak publicly about her struggles is a positive step forward for mothers who struggle with mental health issues.
There is often a stigma surrounding these issues that makes mothers feel guilt and shame about feeling the way we do. But the more people are open about their difficulties, the more we can help people who struggle with mental health issues.
Nakia has experienced several episodes where her children have had to watch her in a depressive episode and take care of her. “One time my daughter managed my episode while I was in the hospital, calling my job and taking messages from my friends," Nakia reveals. "They have also experienced the manic side of watching me overspend. I have been very careful to make sure I teach them about finances and credit.”
'Specifically, as a mother, I am slow to react because I want to give myself and them grace to ensure I am reacting properly,' says Nakia.
"With my youngest, I had to adopt a whole new discipline style because of her diagnosis," she adds. "That adaptation was cause for many arguments in my family, because of the old style of thinking of you just 'beat' your children, whereas I was using timeout, restrictions, and incentives.”
Nakia visits a psychiatrist for her monthly medication for bipolar disorder and ADHD. Sadly, in November 2021, her oldest daughter was murdered, so she has also been seeing a therapist twice a month for grief, anxiety, and stress in addition to a psychiatrist.
Guarnotta says that bipolar disorder is a complex, chronic illness and finding a good treatment team composed of a psychiatric provider and psychologist/therapist is important.
“It is also important that the treatment team coordinates care with one another and that the mother follows the prescribed treatment plan," adds Guarnotta. "If a mother is dealing with a manic or depressive episode, she should communicate this to her support system of family and friends and encourage them to provide additional support so that she can address her mental health concerns.”
A good day for Nakia is being productive, creative, and fueling her passion.
She runs three businesses, works full-time, and is a wife and mother. She says it can be a lot most days, but she loves all of it. A bad day is when she must fulfill her obligations, but does so crying or staying in bed most of the day only to drag herself out to get a task done.
Nakia’s story is an inspiration to all moms out there. Through living with bipolar disorder, ADHD, anxiety, and the tragic passing of her eldest daughter, she has moved forward and shown what true strength can be. It’s easy for moms to get caught up in the average struggles of life, but Nakia has shown that with great strength, everyone can find a way to move forward to happiness.
“I am a typical mom; I just have different obstacles," says Nakia. "I am transparent and open to break down stigmas and allow others to see and hopefully dispel myths. I do not allow anything to define me except that I am just a mom!”
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