I'm Furious My SIL Is Excluding My Son From Family Meals Because of His Disordered Eating

The father wrote that his 9-year-old son has been working with several therapists to combat his disordered eating. ARFID is a serious condition in which a person is an extremely picky eater, so much that nutrition and growth begin to suffer. The foods this child does eat are all processed and considered “junk.” His sensitivities to foods are so strong that he had one sour grape seven years ago and still cries at the thought of eating another.

In addition to navigating this condition, the family has been excluded from dinners with his wife’s extended family, which are held a few times every month. For a time, the original poster stopped bringing his son to the dinners because he noticed eating in groups made his son's condition worse. But recently, the boy began eating in public again, mostly McDonald’s. With this newfound discovery, the OP wondered if his son could join the family dinners again.

Joining the family dinners would mean eating his “safe foods,” or his preferred meals — the “junk food” — in front of his cousins, who are all around his age. The youngest cousin is 8. The OP asked his sister-in-law, who hosts many of the dinners, if the boy could come to the family dinners once a month to build his confidence.

Initially, she agreed. But after the OP’s wife told her sister that they’d bring his food so he could eat comfortably with the rest of the family, she backtracked and said it wasn’t going to be "feasible."

She said her nephew eating junk in front of his cousins, who are eating more balanced meals, would be unfair. The father feels that an 8-year-old child could understand the message that their cousin has special needs. While his wife washed her hands of the whole thing, the OP told his sister-in-law that his son has a serious medical condition and it wouldn’t be hard to explain it to her children.

The sister-in-law said her children shouldn’t be subjected to him eating “nicer” food. When the OP argued that his son shouldn’t have to miss out on family meals, the sister-in-law hung up. Later, the SIL told the OP’s wife that he was rude and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

While his wife and sister-in-law think he’s being unreasonable, the OP believes he’s acting in the best interest of his son, who is deserving of a family dinner. But he wonders if his attempts to make that happen have turned him into an a--hole.

The Reddit community is split. Many believe the OP doesn’t have the right to dictate what happens in someone else’s home or how she might have to parent her children as a result.

“Your sister-in-law does not owe you dinner at her house,” one user wrote. “She can refuse to host you for any reason or no reason. Neither you nor your son are owed family dinners at her house.”

“Your SIL is allowed to not want to deal with arguing about food with her kids because yours has a medical condition,” another user argued.

Then there were those who agreed with the father and felt his sister-in-law was being not only unreasonable but unkind. One likened his issue to another more readily recognized disease to illustrate their point.

“So if OP’s son was diabetic and sometimes needed to keep sugar snacks on him that he couldn’t share with others and he would pull them out sometimes when his sugar was low would your answer be the same?” the person wondered.

What do you make of this dilemma? Is the OP the a--hole or is his sister-in-law being too inflexible?