My Sister-In-Law Surrogate Thinks My Baby Is Hers & I Don't Know What To Do
Thanks to technology, there are all types of ways to safely bring babies into the world. But every method of delivery requires some type of healing. When you delivery vaginally or by c-section, there is physical healing. When you adopt or welcome a baby through surrogacy, all parties involved may need time to heal some lingering emotional wounds.
That’s what one woman on Reddit discovered after her sister-in-law — who acted as her surrogate — proved to be a little too attached to her child.
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A couple couldn't have children for medical reasons, so they asked the husband's sister to become their surrogate.
A Reddit user and new mom asked the community if she was being too insensitive to her sister-in-law who also served as the surrogate for her newborn daughter. The OP is a 29-year-old woman who decided to pursue surrogacy after she and her husband were unable to conceive due to medical reasons.
They tapped her husband’s sister, her sister-in-law, 45, to act as a surrogate because she has two children of her own. Thankfully, the pregnancy and delivery went smoothly. But after the birth of their daughter, things took a turn.
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After the birth, Sarah, the surrogate, became a little too possessive of the newborn.
“Sarah seemed to become extremely possessive of the baby, acting like she was the mother,” the original poster wrote. “Whenever she would come over to our home she insisted on being present for diaper changing, feeding, and naptime.”
The OP tried to kindly suggest that she take the time to rest, since she just gave birth. The surrogate insisted on helping. And her possessiveness escalated when she started telling the OP how to take care of the child because she “has more experience.”
The OP had a conversation with her sister-in-law. It did not go well.
Eventually, the surrogate started referring to the newborn as “her baby” in front of friends and family, constantly reminding them that she birthed the baby and discussing the OP’s “unfortunate” fertility issues. The OP first talked to her husband about it. He agreed her behavior was overbearing but was afraid that a conversation would strain the relationship. He believes they owe her too much to criticize her actions.
So, the OP took it upon herself to talk to her sister-in-law. “I expressed my gratitude for her surrogacy but explained that it was causing confusion and stress for our family. I tried to explain how her actions were making me feel overwhelmed and that I wanted to establish boundaries as it’s MY baby,” she explained on Reddit.
The SIL reminded the OP that they wouldn't have the baby without her.
The sister-in-law became emotional and accused the OP of not appreciating everything she had done for her. She reminded the OP that she’d carried the baby and was the reason they had the child in the first place.
Lastly, the SIL said, “I was not understanding the bond she had developed with the baby during pregnancy.” Afterward, the OP noticed that her husband’s side of the family started treating her differently.
The Reddit community said the OP was not the a--hole. They had some words for her husband, too.
The support from the Reddit community was strong as they concluded that the OP was not the a--hole.
“It sounds like Sarah needs counseling,” one user wrote.
Another believed OP’s husband should have done more: “Your husband needs to step up. There’s a fine line between being grateful and appreciative about what she did for you, and allowing your entire lives to be upended by her over it.”
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