Woman Told To ‘Stop Talking’ in Pregnancy Group Chat Since Hers All Ended in Miscarriage
Office politics can sometimes be difficult to navigate. That's even more true for many in the world who have shifted to working remote. There's a lot in a conversation that gets lost in translation when people aren't able to speak face-to-face. We miss out on body language and facial expressions that can add a lot to the context of a message.
Even with that, there are still some conversations that shouldn’t happen. Things that should never be said in person or remotely. Unfortunately, some people lack care or tact, and it can be brutal.
That's the stage set by a woman who took to Reddit to get advice after a painful remark was said.
Posting in Reddit's Am I the A--hole community, a woman has been working remotely for the past little while. She works closely with a group of women, and that means navigating pregnancy announcements and talking about parenthood. That can be a pain point for her.
She explained, "Long story short I can't carry to term. Any time I was pregnant resulted in a miscarriage/sudden loss, and one time it was at 24 weeks."
For anyone who has experienced perinatal loss, pregnancy talk can be painful.
It's hard to be surrounded by pregnancy and newborns and all the talk that comes with that when someone is struggling with infertility and/or loss. For the woman in question, she said she's "okay" with the idea of likely not ever carrying a baby to term.
"I'm not as maternal as I thought I would be," she admitted. "And am happy to be childfree, even if it was not by choice. I understand these are the cards I was dealt."
Although she may have come to terms with it, office pregnancies are still a challenge.
"I keep mainly to myself," she explained. She said that when colleagues from the office have gotten pregnant, it's been hard.
"When we were working outside of home, three wom[e]n in my office became pregnant," she shared. "I was more than happy to celebrate with them, etc well into their late terms, and celebrate when they had their kids too with gifts."
During that time when working in the office, conversations about pregnancy things came up, and she involved herself in the conversations. "During these times we'd talk about pregnancy cravings, etc. Id talk about mine, and we'd laugh about it," she wrote.
"Mostly [the conversations were] about food cravings, swollen ankles, and uh, bowel movements and flatulence," she explained. " I never really mentioned losing the baby unless someone asked."
She explained that in the office, her miscarriages weren't common knowledge. "Only one person in the office knew about my situation."
And now the conversations are starting up again. Though they're working remotely, they talk through text and another coworker is pregnant.
"And we started talking about it all again," she shared.
She got a message one day from someone in the office.
"The one person who knows my situation in my office messaged me privately telling me to stop talking about when I was pregnant," she shared.
Why? "Because I'm not a mother and since I won't be I shouldn't contribute."
That is harsh. And it hurt her feelings too. "Not gonna lie, truth kinda hurt but I understood why she said that."
She turned it over to Reddit, wanting to know if she should have been quiet all along.
"Now I feel like the [one in the wrong] for ever talking about it, and maybe she's right," she shared before the Reddit community shared opinions.
"The coworker [who] messaged you is a massive a--hole," one person replied, "just because your baby is not in your arms does not make you any less of a mother."
"You weren't contributing your experience with motherhood, you were talking about pregnancy," another person wrote. "You've BEEN pregnant."
"Wow. That comment to you was BRUTAL," someone else shared. "Like i-had-to-check-your-profile-to see-if-you-were-obviously-trolling brutal. Your coworker is an a--hole. This seems like a relationship-severing statement for them to make. This might also be the sort of thing that might be worth recording and bring up with HR/your boss."
"What do you mean you understand why she said that?" questioned another person. "Her comment was just cruel and not okay. You experienced pregnancy and have the right to talk about it. You’re discussing pregnancy ... not parenthood. What if, you weren’t emotionally okay with your situation and talking about it with people was helping you somehow? Her comment is gross."
It's hard to understand why some people can't express empathy, such as this woman's coworker. And in case it's not clear enough, what the coworker said is never acceptable — not in any situation.
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