I Refused To Allow My Daughter's Teacher To Post Pictures of Her Online — Here's Why

Our daughter started kindergarten this year. Then came all the paperwork, emails, phone calls, and little tasks. It almost feels like a part-time job trying to manage all those school requests and responsibilities.

Anyway, in the stack of forms that we needed to fill, one of them was a consent form about sharing our child’s visual image. The language specifically asked whether we give the school “permission to collect, use, and share photographic and video images of my child in whatever medium.”

I was like, what does “whatever medium” mean?

The school’s website? Social media? Pamphlets? Training materials? Posters?

So the sky’s the limit?

Both my husband and I did not feel comfortable with the blanket statement. So we did not consent.

Then a week in, we get a call from our daughter's teacher.

She wanted to follow up on our decision because all the other parents consented except us. She mentions that when she’s taking photos of the class, she will need to ask our daughter to step aside which might make her feel left out or she will need to edit her out. She clarified that the pictures would be posted internally on a site where only the parents of her class have access and no one else.

To be honest, although I was certain of our decision, I felt the pressure to comply. If all the other parents agreed, is it bad if we didn't? Also, I didn't want my daughter to feel left out.

I didn’t want the teacher to have to do additional work to edit her out. I know teachers work their butts off every day and are seriously underpaid for the extra hours they already put in.

In addition, I didn’t want us to be labelled as the difficult "troublemaking" parents, especially since we're still new to the school. I wanted to start off on the right foot.

I finish the conversation with her by saying I'll need some time to think about it and that I'll discuss it with my husband.

When my husband comes home, I bring it up to him and he's firm about his decision. He's like, "Nope, I don’t care. I didn’t consent."

But I was on the fence. I started thinking about the whole thing.

Evgeny Atamanenko/Facebook

The thing is, I do not own her identity.

Ever since we became parents, my husband and I have been strict about posting photos of our kids online. We don't post anything that shows their faces and we've asked our friends and family members to not share photos of them on social media, even on private accounts. This is because we do not own their identity in the real world nor the virtual world. They do.

My daughter is 5 years old and she doesn’t quite understand what it means when a photo of her is shared online. She understands that we can send pictures to her grandparents and they can send pictures back. But she doesn't understand how quickly and easily a photo or video can travel across the world and into the hands of people she doesn’t know.

When she's old enough to understand what having a digital presence means, its risks, benefits, and the responsibility it requires, I'm going to empower her to make an informed decision about how much of her visual identity she wants to share with the online world.

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I understand why it’s nice to see pictures of our kids so that we know exactly what they did in school.

I check the class site once a week to see if there is anything important I need to know. Her teacher shares new photos a couple of times a week, candid shots of them playing on the slide, posing with their drawings and group shots of them celebrating kindness.

I appreciate the sentiment but, to be honest, I don't really care to have visual documentation of what she has been doing at school. I can hear what's been going on from the horse's mouth, having conversations and building trust with my daughter. She's in school for over 30 hours every week. When she comes home, it's time to leave school at school, let loose and focus on unstructured home life.

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Lastly, I trust the other parents in her class would never share pictures with ill intent.

But an innocent text or social media post of a class photo can easily travel across the world and into the hands of strangers within a few seconds.

I don't know what I don't know and I can't control what’s going to happen. From privacy breaches, identity theft, digital kidnapping, deepfake technology, Photoshop abuse, to child predators, I'd err on the safe side, keeping my kids' faces in the dark as long as possible.

So I called her teacher back and adamantly stood by our decision. And you know what? I don't feel a bit guilty.

photos consent school pictures