My Husband Refuses To Have Sex With Me Now That I'm Pregnant & It's Because of How I Look

ParentingPublished Mar 21, 2024
By Michelle Stein

Sexual intimacy during pregnancy can be a point of contention for expecting couples. Between raging hormones, nausea, exhaustion, and a growing bump, sometimes "the mood" doesn't strike nearly as often as it did for soon-to-be moms prior to pregnancy. But what happens if the non-pregnant partner is the one to experience a marked dip in libido?

That's exactly what is happening to one Reddit user who is in her third trimester. Ever since she's been visibly pregnant, her husband has no interest in having sex. And it's not because he's worried about hurting or thinking about their baby. It's because he does not find her pregnant body attractive.

More from CafeMom: 18 Best Sex Positions While Pregnant

These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.

A Reddit user who is 38 weeks pregnant vented about her nonexistent sex life.

In the r/pregnant subreddit, an expecting mom who is 38 weeks along recently vented about her lack of sex life.

"My husband is one of those dads who lost all sexual attraction when I became obviously pregnant," the original poster wrote. "I hate every bit of it. It’s not like he doesn’t still have needs, he does and he satisfies them himself. I have had to [resort] to the same thing because honestly he just will not touch me in that manner."

The OP explained that she has been "supportive and understanding" and hasn't put pressure on her husband sexually. She especially hasn't pressed the matter since he told her why: "It's not the '[there's] a baby in there' reason. It's solely my appearance."

The pregnant woman then got super personal about her sex life.

The OP detailed how it has been four months since she and her husband have been on the same page when it comes to sex. Although they recently attempted to get intimate, things went poorly.

"We got frisky at 35 weeks and yall ... he started losing his erection and faked an orgasm as to not make me feel bad," she wrote. "Otherwise he’s a solid husband in terms of providing and such. We have lots of laughs and wonderful times."

More from CafeMom: The Thought of Having Sex During Pregnancy Makes Me Cringe

Finally, she expressed bitterness over the fact that her body is forever changed — while her husband's is not.

The OP's husband not having sex with her because he doesn't find her pregnant body attractive has, understandably, left her feeling incredibly bitter.

"My body is FOREVER different because my husband wanted children," she vented. "They get to waltz around with their stupid bodies and enjoy the benefits of having a child when all he did was blow a load."

Additionally, the OP shared that she feels a "HUMONGOUS pressure to work on myself postpartum and try to get my body back."

"It feels like if I don’t then this lack of sexual energy between us will just continue to the point of a dissolving marriage," she explained.

The Redditor concluded: "Its absolutely pissing me off that my husband who impregnated me is now entirely turned off by my touch. I am a f---ing incubator at this point."

Some Redditors could relate to her situation.

In the comments, some fellow expecting moms shared their similar experiences.

One Reddit user wrote: "You’re not alone! 35 weeks here and no sex in 6 months. I don’t foresee any in my future tho because my partner and I broke up. So not only is my body ruined forever but it got ruined from someone who isn’t even in it for the long haul 😒."

Another person commented: "Wow did I write this? I’m going through the same exact thing. I’m insecure about my rapidly changing body as it is and it’s even harder knowing your partner wants nothing to do with you intimately. Your feelings are valid, it really hurts to not feel wanted. Sending love 💓."

Meanwhile, someone else wrote: "I’m currently going through the same thing and it’s miserable. It makes me feel so detached from our marriage and also from myself, since I have to suppress my desires. It sucks because he’s a great man in every other aspect. So, it’s like what do I do, file for divorce just because we aren’t having sex?? I feel totally lost on what to do."

More from CafeMom: 15 Things No One Tells Moms About Sex After Baby

Others offered words of support and empowerment.

Although some commenters could relate, others took the opportunity to lift up the expecting mom.

One commenter shared how her first husband was a "douche," but her second husband "loved my 'ruined body' and thought it was beautiful. When I had our baby, he thought I was the sexiest woman on the planet." The mom continued: "Our bodies are not ruined. Our bodies reflect just how strong and bada-- and selfless we are as moms. Own your tiger stripes cause you earned them."

Another Reddit user suggested: "I think you need to tell him to stop with his comments and he needs to change his mindset because it’s extremely hurtful and WRONG. You look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow and remind yourself he could never do what you’re doing, and you look damn good doing it."

Finally, another commenter wrote: "His sexual attraction should be based on his love for you, not solely his physical attraction to you. The fact that he isn’t even MORE into you for creating a life is so sad and telling to me. It genuinely shocks me how common this is and I’m so sorry. Your body is amazing, beautiful, and bada-- for doing what it does."

pregnancy sexpregnancyRedditintimacy during pregnancyrelationshipsbeing a mommotherhoodrelationshipssexmarriagerelationship dramapregnancy problems
Cafemom Logo
This is motherhood #nofilter

This site is owned and operated by Bright Mountain Media, Inc., a publicly owned company trading with the symbol: BMTM.