My Husband Is Furious Because I Just Gave Birth & Refuse To Take Care of Our Older Child
damircudic/iStockCarrying a baby for nine months and then giving birth takes an enormous toll on the body, which is why rest and recovery after delivering a baby is so important. Unfortunately, many new moms do not have nearly enough time to focus on healing their bodies and recuperating during the postpartum period. It is an ongoing issue with no easy fix.
Recently, one mom on Reddit detailed her postpartum recovery plan on the AITA subreddit. She and her husband agreed before she gave birth to their second child that she would adhere to the "5-5-5 method," which is five days in bed, five days on the bed, and five days near the bed. However, he is now upset at her because she isn't helping take care of their older kid.
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The Reddit mom went into more detail about her 5-5-5 recovery plan after giving birth.
The plan was clear. For the first five days, the Reddit user would adhere to "nothing but skin to skin with my daughter, breastfeeding, and resting." The next five days would be limited to "sitting up, still breastfeeding, cuddling with baby, doing homework with my son, crossword puzzles etc." And the last five days would include "majority resting but doing light chores, folding laundry, diaper changing, just not standing for more than 30 minutes. All while still, cuddling with baby, breastfeeding baby, doing homework with my son and coloring."
In preparation for their new baby, the couple prepared months of freezer meals to make dinnertime easier. But things haven't gone smoothly.
Things have been difficult with the baby.
As the original poster detailed, her husband seems to be struggling with being the primary child care provider. "This baby is very colicky and my husband is the one having to get out of bed, walk around with her and sit in the rocking chair, do diapers and take her and our son on walks to get some sunshine," she explained. Meanwhile, the mom is sticking to the plan.
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The husband is also having a rough time with their older son.
On top of the stress of a newborn, the couple's older son seems to be struggling with the transition of having a new sibling. "Our son (5) has started acting out at home due to the stress of the new baby and lack of sleep," the Redditor explained. "We’ve offered him going to my parents next door and he seems interested."
Her husband came to her highly distraught, begging for help, but the mom refused.
"Today he came to me crying saying it was all too much and he couldn’t do this by himself," the mom of two continued. "I reminded him that he agreed to it and I have to go back to work shortly after the 5-5-5 is up, so I need to be as rested and healed as possible so I can better perform tasks at work then come home and perform tasks as well."
Among her husband's requests were help with their older son and pitching in with light cleaning, such as picking up clutter and wiping countertops.
"I again said no," she wrote. "I am entitled to rest and I will help around the house in eight days."
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The consensus: This mom is NTA.
Reddit has spoken: While many questioned the validity (and medical safety) of the "5-5-5 rule," this mom is resoundingly NTA.
"As long as none of the children are in imminent danger, NTA," one user wrote before summing up the situation. "Husband insists on having another child, then complains when it's hard to look after a newborn and other child. He knew what he was getting into. He agreed to it."
Another Redditor asked if the couple has family or friends who could help out and possibly give the husband a break.
"Although he agreed to this, we all know parenting nonstop is very exhausting, and likely no one is sleeping well yet with the newborn’s schedule," the person pointed out. "He might need a few hours per day to take a nap or get out of the house for a bit. NAH, but this is a time to reach out to loved ones for a bit more help."
Yet another person commented: "NTA. OP needs to heal before going back to work very soon. The husband is being asked to take care of his son for 15 days. This would read entirely differently if the husband was sick in bed with the wife taking care of their son. No one would bat an eye at a mom taking care of her son for 15 days."
