Forget the Terrible Twos. We Need To Talk About the Eff You Fours
Laura Mazza/Mum on the RunI've heard and been through the terrible twos, but I must admit, nothing has prepared me for the "eff you fours." My 4-year-old is a lunatic. He is a no-limit soldier and I, his prisoner. He is accident prone, wild, and careless.
He has knocked out his two front teeth, split his head open, and broken his leg. Every day is a new adventure of an anxiety-ridden nightmare.
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He is the king of his world, and I am but a mere peasant existing in it.
The other day he promptly told me he pooped outside and the dog ate it. In disbelief, I asked him to clarify and he asked me, "Are you deaf? I said I did a s--- outside."
He walked me through step by step on how he did it. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, but that’s life with a 4-year-old, hey? So you gotta do both.
He is a drunk, demanding adult stuck in a little person’s body with little hands and no knuckles.
Who hates tags on the back of his T-shirts but will rub his face in grass. His major talent is singing anything I ask him to do to the tune of baby shark. "Wipe my bum do do do do ..." and navigating YouTube but not knowing how to pick up his toys.
He is someone whose mood goes from pleasant to evil by merely giving them a favorite bowl ...
The one that they loved so much yesterday but not so much today, and you serve them their favorite meal only to be told that — word for word — "I cannot live in these conditions."
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He is an inappropriate parrot that saves his best one-liners, and all the info you thought he wasn’t listening to, for the supermarket or the in-laws.
One time an elderly lady asked him how old he was, to which he replied, “You must be ready for heaven years old?”
I often find myself saying, “Sorry, he’s just a little excited.” Or, “Sorry he’s just a bit tired.” Or, “You know, some days he is just a jerk.” Or, “I don’t know that kid …”
But what I really want to say is, “Actually, he is just 4 and I really love him, just the way he is.”
This post was written by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run and was reprinted with permission.
