After 19 Years of Marriage My Husband Wrote an Awful Contract Demanding Total 'Submission'

Any married person, or someone who has been married at one time in their life, will tell you that it is hard work. But if you put in the time and the effort, marriages can last for a long time and be quite rewarding. There are certain elements that both parties must have, not the least of which is respect for the other person. Sadly, we know that doesn't always exist in relationships and can mean the end is near.

A frustrated wife posted in the public Facebook group AITA Reddit, asking if she was overreacting to a list of demands her husband left for her after 19 years of marriage. The couple is from a mixed-faith background — he is Muslim, while she is Christian. She feels that his demands are archaic and demanding, and now she wants to leave him.

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He is the only man she's ever been with.

She explained that she and her husband got together when she was 18, and he was her first love. They have built a life together and are raising three children. But he recently made her a list of his expectations, making her wonder if the marriage is worth it. He titled the note "What I Expect From My Wife," and put together a list of demands that included expecting OP to be submissive to him.

"Listen — When I speak, I have put countless time in thought and have spoken for a reason. I do not speak unless I find it necessary, understand this, and focus your attention 100% when I say something to you. You do not need to interpret it in your head. Take it literally, You don't even need to understand it. I speak literally, so every word means exactly what it means, not what you think it means," one bullet point reads.

The list was pretty strict.

She was then told what she could and couldn't wear and how to handle her bathroom habits. Her husband seems to want total control over her, and she wasn't having it.

"He has cameras all around the house and listens to my conversations with my friends. I do not use the bathroom with strangers around but if it's just the kids and I, I leave the door open for my toddles not to freak out or kill each other so I can use the bathroom in peace. He said this is basic wife duties and what every good wife does for her husband and doesn't understand why I am upset and have separated for almost 2 months after receiving this disgusting degrading contract," she wrote.

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OP feels desperate.

No one would want to be in this situation, but adding three kids to the mix makes it harder for her. She has complicated feelings and just wants some solid advice.

"He's literally all I know and there is a million reasons not to stay but my kids are making this really hard on me and I basically have 0 support system ... my entire family is saying to give him another shot and I will be ruining the kids life if I leave," she wrote.

There were conflicting reactions to this one.

Some people totally felt for OP and want her to be happy.

"You're NTA for finally having enough, but you need to stick to your guns with this," someone suggested. "You also need to have a calm conversation about how you're feeling taken advantage of and explain that while you know you've set the expectations he now sees as normal, it's completely unfair to you, and things need to change because you can't keep living like this. If he loves you, he'll change his behaviour, and if he doesn't, he'll whine and complain and try to gaslight you into doing everything for him again."

Another person wanted OP to reflect: "Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? It doesn't sound like it. Stop doing everything for him. Sit him down and calmly tell him that you aren't his mother and as much as you love him, he is going to have to start doing some things for himself. Giving him a warning gives him the chance to do it for himself..if he doesn't then he goes without whatever he needs. It may take a bit but he will either start doing it himself or go without. You don't deserve to be his slave."

But not everyone was letting her off the hook so quickly.

Plenty of people feel like OP may have created this monster.

One person had some harsh words: "Relationships are not charities & what was once your 'project' has turned into a chore. It's mostly your fault. If you respected him, you would have been honest all along instead of trying to make what you perceived as a damaged person feel better. You could have worked on things as a couple & built a better relationship together. Stop blaming him. Start being honest. Stop pretending that you need to fill a void in his life when you are actually trying to fill one in your own. Maybe some honest conversations & respect would help. He may improve or he may not but he will never get the chance unless you be honest & kind."

And this person agreed: "Yta, sound like you never communicated until you blew up, how's he supposed to know your not satisfied if you don't tell him."

But maybe they are both at fault like this person suggests: "Sure you have some part in this by allowing it for so long. However you said it's been communicated and if you've communicated and it hasn't been fixed permanently, he doesn't care about what you said. And on top of that it ABSOLUTELY is his job to think, ask, and care about your needs. People are telling you that you can't expect him to know what you want, and that is BS. He is not stupid and knows women have needs. He literally doesn't care about yours at all. And that is a BIG red flag."